An Unexpected Year
With social media, of course we aren't always going to show/share the hard things of life. When we look on social media, other people's lifes look great and that they have it all together. Its even so easy for me to post things that make it look like everything is going well when it most defiantly is not. I want this blog post to be real and honest on how this year has been for me. I would like to say that this year has probably been one of the most difficult years of my life. I was so excited for 2019 to roll around. I think many people were. A fresh start from everything that had happened from the year before. But nope. It started out at the end of last year with me having major health issues with my digestive track. This had made my work life harder. I dreaded going into work everyday not knowing how my health was going to be. At the beginning of 2019, I pretty much had removed a lot of food from my diet. At the time, I could have told you all that I could eat because it was very little. I couldn't even go out to eat because I would still get sick. I lost even 10 pounds in one month that I didn't need to loose. I was very weak and hungry all of the time. Even eating more food was pointless because I could not gain weight. This had caused more of a concern with my doctors. I also decided around this time frame, to buy my own place. I finally had saved up enough money. With this said, I didn't realize how much work it was going to be when buying a home. In that time of of fixing up my new place, I had never been that stressed out in my whole life. I even broke down and cried in a Mednards one night in front of my parents. I watched pretty much all of my savings disappear when there were so many other expenses that needed to be made. I also felt guilty saying no to people in those few months. I was disappointing People which I hate doing. Also at that time, I was still going to so many doctor appointments trying to get answers. No diagnosis was ever found and I was doing a natural treatment. This ended up working in the long run but did take months to help heal.. After moving in to my new place finally, I ended up even letting go of some unhealthy relationships. I risked not being invited to a lot of things. But I knew it was for the better. I was tired of being hurt and talked about. Honestly, you really realize who is a true friend when you go through difficult times... Lastly, there was just a lot of changes even in my job this past year that brought more stress which didn't help.
After all of this, I experienced something that I don't think I have ever experienced before. Burn out. I was exhausted all of the time, wanting to be alone, and not being able to give 100% anymore. Before this, I kept my life super busy all of the time. Especially spending a lot of time with friends. At this point, I just wanted to spend time at home. I did not feel like myself anymore. Even my relationship with God hadn't been the greatest, I have to admit. Challenges in 2018 brought me so much closer to God. 2019 I wasn't seeking the Lord in those moments like I should have. I wanted control and I felt like I was struggling to trust. I was also getting depressed and listening to lies about myself. "Your not good enough." "Nobody likes you." "You failed so much this year in so many ares." Everything just bottled up inside of me. I acted like I was fine around people but in reality I was getting to a point where I hated my life. I wasn't the same person anymore. I watched fears become reality. In the end, this was mostly my fault with all of this happening to me. I chose my life to be crazy and made the choices that I made and listen to the lies. At the end, I just felt alone which was my fear all along. I can say now that I am in a better place though.
Now I know others have experienced so much worse then I this year. My stuff, seems very little compared to others. I know that some of those people were even hoping 2019 would be a fresh start as well. With writing this blog post, I just needed to let it out. Now, lets bring on back and talk about the flip side of things to this year. Even with everything being stressful, I have to continue to remember that this is not my home and things will change and won't stay the same. Also as a reminder, when we go through difficulties, we learn to relay on God more. He is the ultimate healer when it comes to stuff that you are dealing with mentally, physically, and spiritually. I have learned who my true friends are and my family will always be there for me no matter what. I have continued to just be so much more grateful for my parents and their wisdom. I have even grown closer to my church family this year through being apart of more ministries. I have received so much encouragement and kindness being there. I have to add this in but also I am just grateful for my cat Ollie. Having a animal getting excited to see when you when you get home really helps. Plus cats will never leave you. They can't lol. I can look back and know that in 2019 I bought a condo, ran my first 5K, defeated some stomach issues, adopted my cat, got to go back to my favorite city(Nashville), and learned that its okay to hang out with your family a lot!
To end this post, I know that I continue to have stress and anxieties of what my life will look like in 2020. All the unknowns. Will it be worse than this year? I pray that I can just give this into the hands of the Lord. Gods got this. Which I know can be easier said then done. Will I get a new job this next year? Will I no longer be single at some point?(not complaining) Will some worse heath issues come along? New friendships? Will I get to travel more? Whatever it may be, lets bring on 2020! Because in the end, we will always have hard or new situations in our lives. Its how we face them that matters. Are we relying on God or ourselves?
-Liz Rose
After all of this, I experienced something that I don't think I have ever experienced before. Burn out. I was exhausted all of the time, wanting to be alone, and not being able to give 100% anymore. Before this, I kept my life super busy all of the time. Especially spending a lot of time with friends. At this point, I just wanted to spend time at home. I did not feel like myself anymore. Even my relationship with God hadn't been the greatest, I have to admit. Challenges in 2018 brought me so much closer to God. 2019 I wasn't seeking the Lord in those moments like I should have. I wanted control and I felt like I was struggling to trust. I was also getting depressed and listening to lies about myself. "Your not good enough." "Nobody likes you." "You failed so much this year in so many ares." Everything just bottled up inside of me. I acted like I was fine around people but in reality I was getting to a point where I hated my life. I wasn't the same person anymore. I watched fears become reality. In the end, this was mostly my fault with all of this happening to me. I chose my life to be crazy and made the choices that I made and listen to the lies. At the end, I just felt alone which was my fear all along. I can say now that I am in a better place though.
Now I know others have experienced so much worse then I this year. My stuff, seems very little compared to others. I know that some of those people were even hoping 2019 would be a fresh start as well. With writing this blog post, I just needed to let it out. Now, lets bring on back and talk about the flip side of things to this year. Even with everything being stressful, I have to continue to remember that this is not my home and things will change and won't stay the same. Also as a reminder, when we go through difficulties, we learn to relay on God more. He is the ultimate healer when it comes to stuff that you are dealing with mentally, physically, and spiritually. I have learned who my true friends are and my family will always be there for me no matter what. I have continued to just be so much more grateful for my parents and their wisdom. I have even grown closer to my church family this year through being apart of more ministries. I have received so much encouragement and kindness being there. I have to add this in but also I am just grateful for my cat Ollie. Having a animal getting excited to see when you when you get home really helps. Plus cats will never leave you. They can't lol. I can look back and know that in 2019 I bought a condo, ran my first 5K, defeated some stomach issues, adopted my cat, got to go back to my favorite city(Nashville), and learned that its okay to hang out with your family a lot!
To end this post, I know that I continue to have stress and anxieties of what my life will look like in 2020. All the unknowns. Will it be worse than this year? I pray that I can just give this into the hands of the Lord. Gods got this. Which I know can be easier said then done. Will I get a new job this next year? Will I no longer be single at some point?(not complaining) Will some worse heath issues come along? New friendships? Will I get to travel more? Whatever it may be, lets bring on 2020! Because in the end, we will always have hard or new situations in our lives. Its how we face them that matters. Are we relying on God or ourselves?
-Liz Rose
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