A Horror of a Night

       I had just texted a friend before I went to bed stating that I was too scared to think about what could happen next with all this COVID 19 stuff. I also said it could get worse... I didn't know that an hour later, one of my families worst nightmares would occur. I woke up around 12:30 hearing my dad say something loudly and shut our house door. Then I looked out my window to see a cop go down our driveway with my dad on a 4wheeler behind him. A minute later, I saw my mom and then my brother go down the driveway as well. At that moment I thought "whats going on?" and "Did we get robbed at my dad's shop and office?". But after looking at the building down the drive way more, I saw smoke and fire coming out of the roof of the building. In that moment,I just watched for a few minutes and I think I was in shock and didn't know what to do. I then pulled a sweatshirt over my shirt, put shoes on and ran out the door to my car. Once I got down the driveway to the building, all I saw was flames consuming the one side of the building and smoke coming out everywhere. I ran to my mom and all I could say was "OMG” and "Why is this happening to us?" with my whole body shaking. In that moment, we just had streams of tears as we watched the building burn and firefighters trying to put it out. It felt like that moment was like a tragic part of a TV show or movie turned into reality. How could this really be happening? I remember my dad just saying, "Well, we just lost it all". I knew that all my work stuff was in my dads office and memorable treasures that I kept in the other half of the building. I was just hoping they could save it in time... We saw truck after truck come in with water to help put it out. They were volunteer firefighters from all over the place in our county.

      I had gone back to the house at some point to wake up my 17 year old sister and bring her to the burning building. My dad asked if we were going to be able to go back and sleep and of course we knew that we could not. How can you after something like this? We saw the news people come at some point which made me so angry. While we were going through a tragedy, someone has to come and get a story. My sister and I ended up going back to the house since my 5 year old sister was still asleep. Also, the cop that was there said there were two missing boys from the youth farm across the road and two men were seen in the bushes watching the fire. At that point they thought it could be arson which meant we needed to get to the house asap and lock the doors. Then around 3:30 am, my mom asked that we try to get some sleep since we will have a long day basically in a few hours. We woke up only sleeping 3 hours and my mom ended up getting an 1 hour and my dad got zero sleep. I was just hoping in that moment in waking, that is was all a dream. But I looked out the window and tears started streaming down my face. After I woke, I found out that the fire started around 12 am and a lady driving up the road, saw the building on fire and called it in. A cop had woken up my dad letting him know what was going on. Also, we had firefighters until about 6 in the morning at our place. Now, I have a huge respect for volunteer firefighters after going through this. 

      Looking in the building, the side where my dads truck, semi, and workshop, got the worst of it. All the computers I used for work, were melted. A lot of what was in my dads office was gone. All our paper work was in there, back ups, printers, computers, my moms extra new kitchen, and so many other things just burned/somewhat burned. The other side of the building had more fire damage above which got to the tops of tractors and the above storage. My dad had most of his tractors in there and that included the combine and planter. My brother wooodshop though, was the only thing the fire didn't touch. Praise God for one thing!

     It all ended up being over a million dollars worth of damage. We just prayed to God that insurance would cover it. The next three days, we would just feel sick to our stomachs. It made me even sick to see trucks similar to my dads on the road. We lost sleep or couldn't sleep. We would just cry over the loss of a little thing that held a memory. On the second day after, I finally went to our storage area where all my child hood stuff I had saved was. There was 10 years of 4-H trophies and ribbons, things my grandma passed down, collectibles, high school diploma, diaries, and much more and it was completely burned to the ground. Again in the moment, I just broke. I knew that it was most likely all gone but I think I needed to see it for myself. While others were maybe able to salvage somethings, I basically had nothing left in that building. I even forgot about my bike and then found out that it got placed with our storage as well. 
      We did find out later though, that there was a strong chance of arson but no evidence with how much damage the fire caused. There was a door that was open when the firefighters got there. Also, the alarm system we did have, stated on my mom's phone that a door was tampered with. A couple gas cans that my mom had just filled up and brought into the shop were not actually in the place they were before. But also the fire chief did say that trucks like my dads are known to randomly catch on fire and my dad knew that semi's are able to do that as well. Either way, it was more uneasy to know that there was a good chance of arson...With that said, I would say I had the worst Easter this year. My grandparents had invited us over. I hated it. The feeling of all of us leaving the house for the first time since the fire and the panic of it not being there when we came back was real. I felt numb and I didn't want to talk. When I got home, I was just in relieve. I know its not the best way to handle a hard situation but I was struggling. I really didn't want to see anyone and I just laid down most of the time, trying to process it all. 

     After two weeks of the incident, I ended up having to move back home and work in my work's office due to continued computer issues. This felt too soon for me but it also was nice to not be around everything that was going on. I wasn't getting much sleep there either. But on the flip side of that, anxiety was now an issue with leaving. I was afraid of what could happen when I was not there. What if something happens to my family? What if something happens to me and my home? A fire truck going off would always trigger me as well. The smell of smoke. Seeing other people's places burned to the ground. It was now all to real for me going through this. I knew though that my family was going through way worse then me. That was my families business. I had lost so very little compared to them. Finically, this was going to hurt them for a long time to come. When I thought things were getting better for my family at some point, I found out that they were still going through the waves of emotions. They were continuing to find more things they lost in the fire but also this was one of the biggest tragic events in my families lives. So this was understandable. Once the building got torn down, it was actually a blessing in disguise. We no longer had to have knots in our stomachs when going past it. It also meant that we were done looking through stuff and being reminded. It was time to move forward. 
    After looking back on this tragic event, months later, I can't tell how thankful we are for so many people and their prayers and generosity. What a great Christian community we have. Your love brought tears to our eyes. (I'm even starting to cry about this again right now) It will not be forgotten. I still have people telling me that their praying and asking about us. I know that we will continue to go through waves of emotions after this. I have to remind myself that its okay and to give myself grace. We just went through something tragic. 

      To end this post, I just want to say that I really don't mean for this to be a pity party on us for what happened. Some of us need to process hard events by writing and sharing. But also, some of you that knew that this happened, don't know all the details. So I thought I would take this time to let you know. I have to say though, this has been the hardest post that I have written so far and taken me to finish. Its been a few months of going back in forth on what to say and share. You can find some photos below of some of the remains...